So once again, it has been forever. The more I think about wanting to keep up with blogging, the more I realize that I really enjoy it, I just have to find the time. It helps me process stuff and when you are an out loud processor like me with a husband who is gone 14 hours a day for work and 3 kiddos on your heals I need an out at times. So here I am...although because it has been sooo long, I have an awfully lot in my brain that needs processing. I process things over and over and over again...am I abnormal? Oh well if I am.
In November, a wonderful friend emailed me a dream that she had about me where I was pregnant and so overjoyed I couldn't even speak and that everyone around me was so overjoyed and couldn't speak either. George and I decided a while ago that we were done having beautiful babies and he had, as my friends would say, 'the snip snip'. That was 2 years ago. So my wonderful friend knew that getting pregnant wasn't really happening and believed that it meant spiritually. She said that this next season in our family's lives would be full of joy and life! WAHOOO!!! Since our last season was hell, it was so wonderful to hear that.
I honestly didn't know what she meant, but simply hoped and held on to it. So 2011 rolled around, rather quickly I might add, and things in the Obed home seemed ok, other than the fact that I wasn't sleeping at night, losing tons of hair and having no energy to do anything at all. I decided I should go get checked. I went to the doctors and they decided I should get checked for pre-menopause and have a bone density scan. The diabetes was out of control, so that was a definite reason for not feeling well also. This may be TMI, but I hadn't had a period in almost 3 years (which I am not complaining at all, but probably isn't very healthy).
As I walked out of the room and was heading to the lab for tests the nurse came walking over to me put her hand on my should and said, "wait a second, love, you are pregnant!" As the dramatic person that I am, I dropped to my knees (I know, I know ridiculous) and yelled, "Oh hell no I am not!" The nurse quickly helped me up and took me back to my room and shut the door. I cried and cried and cried... The nurse then proceeded to offer to terminate the pregnancy, 3 times! I finally told her to not ask me that again, that it wasn't even an option and that I was just in shock and needed a minute. So she left the room and gave me a minute. Shock number one.
I told George and he just sat there and after a minute asked if it was his...lol. Then he said, "well, I guess you can't argue with God, right?" He went to his doctors that week to get a refund on his vasectomy :) Unfortunately no refund, but they did confirm that it grew back together, they offered to do the surgery again at no charge. Too bad they didn't offer a years worth of diapers!
The thought of having another baby was beginning to sit with us a lot better the next week. I went to have my first ultra sound and I saw the little bean in my belly, it was too early to hear the heartbeat, but you could definitely see the heart beating inside. But wait, the room was silent for quite a while and the doctor said, "I need to show you something". Of course I thought it was something bad and got really nervous. She proceeded to show me three tiny yolk sacs. The first yolk sac didn't seem to have anything in it, then she moved to the second yolk sac where the baby and the heartbeat I saw were and then moved the ultra sound wand around some more and showed me the third yolk sac where another little body and heartbeat was. Yep, twins! There could have been three and the doctor stayed there a while to make sure there were just the two. I am 6 weeks pregnant. I just laid there and cried. Shock number two.
I called George on my way back to work, his response was, "ok, I gotta go do laundry" as the shock was setting in. I have always wanted twins and this news settled a lot faster than the initial news of being pregnant. In my mind I began thinking and planning all kinds of things, names, which room they would be in, what kind of double stroller to buy, if they would all fit in the car, what to say when people commented on my ginormous belly, how this was all going to work. It will work. God planned this in the first place, so it WILL work. I was getting excited! So were all of my amazing friends, they were all overjoyed!
I had to have an ultra sound every week because the whole situation was so risky. They told me that the chances of this happening was less then 1%. Again, this was God. They had told us that we were having identical twins, so they would both be the same sex and look exactly alike. Both George and I felt that they were boys. Malakai definitely thought that they were boys :) Lydi and Norah wanted one of each, we tried explaining to them that they were identical and they didn't care, one of each was in their minds.
I saw the two beautiful little beans inside me each week and loved it, I could barely wait for my next appointment. I was almost 10 weeks and came in for my weekly ultrasound. I went to this one by myself and was anticipating seeing them once again. This was a different nurse and she was super quiet through the whole ultrasound, I didn't think anything of it. She went out of the room and got a doctor that watched as she did the ultrasound again. My heart began to race. She kept putting on the sound and there was just dead air. She did it probably 4 or 5 times. I finally asked, what does that mean and the doctor looked at me and said, "I'm sorry but neither baby has a heartbeat". I didn't say a word, just laid there, numb.
The nurse had said to me that if it makes me feel any better they probably would have been deformed anyway, so I should be thankful that they didn't come into this world that way, I went even more numb and completely shut out everything they said from there on. They left me in the room. I cried and cried and cried...again. Shock number three.
To be continued...
